Hands in the Earth, hands held together

Its been a year since my church proposed developing a community garden. There were a lot of set backs, mostly financial. Just leveling the ground, removing what was there seemed a huge undertaking. Our vision began as a way to support our own congregation and the local community but this did not really feel the sustainable way to go. Also it felt very limited versus the amount of impact we really could do with this project. What really turned this around was when we started collaborating with Jewish organizations in the community and with Netiya, a social justice project sponsored by the Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles which tries to address hunger and help those that are food insecure. It was extremely powerful to work side by side each other with the same intention. The sun beat down, I was sweaty, dirty, and the happiest I could be! There is such power that cultivates when people are all passionate about the same thing and put the effort in. We spoke words of intention and had a little closing ceremony where we held our dirty hands into the circle, sharing our effort of the day. We also shared our feelings about the day. I am so excited to be part of this project. I feel like we are growing so much more than a garden. We are developing interfaith connections, connection with the community, and so much more. What is really amazing is that we will be dedicating 90% of the food we grow to local food banks and to those that are food insecure. This is social justice in action and I am so glad to be a part of it. Lets regain the land!

Please go to their site for more information about their mission and what they do! www.jewishla.org/pages/fed-up-with-hunger-netiya

Screw Hallmark!

My life is not measured by days on a calendar and does not wait to finally come alive once the week is through. If we live a hallmark life we will believe that our lives jump from one holiday to the next. That we need to always be celebrating something, and feeling poorly if we are not. Life has more meaning than this! My life is not measured by the movies I have recently seen or the books I have read. Not to sound like I am developing a conspiracy but there are a lot of agencies out there that benefit from us being plugged in and tuned out. I think of Wall-e, and the humans that were fat, rolling around in their chairs completely clueless about their plight. Sometimes it might not feel good to be "awake." I definitely have the urge to just find a way to shut off. There are so many ways to distract ourselves but life is happening all around us. Life is now and is one endless beautiful day. In this one day you can fall in and out of love, create or invent something that will change the world, or touch someone's life forever. I will not belittle the gift of life that I have been given by giving it an expiration date. Once we know that there is no end we will slow down from our maddening speed. We will get off the ride we have been on and hopefully will really see one another for the first time. Hello and welcome to your life, it has been waiting.

CAMP!

I just got home from a wonderful long labor day weekend in the woods in the San Bernardino mountains in California. What was so special about this trip was not just the fresh air, the gorgeous trees reaching the clear sky, the star filled sky at night, or even the great food. This was a camp specially for Unitarian Universalist youth from ages 18 to 35. Although we have a really good group of people my age at my church in Studio City it was wonderful to be around over a 100 UU's in one place. Over a hundred people that are open, loving, and caring people who have similar values as me. In just the four days I was there we formed a living community. I met incredible people who I was able to talk openly with and share my stories.

One of the most incredible moments of the weekend was the workshop I went to. It spanned Saturday and Sunday and was called "Shift Happens" which was a curriculum written by David one of the ministers in Southern California. I will try to do it justice but participating experientially was so powerful that it might be difficult. The concept is that everyone has paradigms or "lenses" that have been developed from the experiences we have had and the knowledge we are introduced to along the way. Such experiences that can influence how are paradigms are developed can include things such as poverty, divorce, religion, education, or religion. We did what is called a "diversity shuffle." This means we walked over to the group which represented a certain group such as growing up in a rural area. We discussed how it felt to be in the majority or minority group. For example I felt some shame and guilt when I walked over to the group representing that my parents did not graduate from college. I was probably one of three out of a big group where this was the case. I am proud of my parents and I felt extreme guilt that I would feel shame about their education level. I feel that this could be some sort of projection as I had so many things counting against me about getting a higher education. It was also very difficult to be the minority and feel that there might be some judgment. This workshop however helped me to see that if we are truly open to each other stories and where we come from there would be no judgment. If I feel I am being judged in the future it helps to understand that this is a lack of knowledge about my story and where I am coming from. Similarly instead of being frustrated or angry about someone's beliefs I can try to transform that into curiosity about their story.

The second part of this workshop was telling our story about a shift in our lives which changed the way we saw things. This was extremely emotional for me as I shared my story of adoption and my journey into removing the fear of abandonment. Although it might be unfair to say that I have removed the fear. It is definitely under the surface and can be triggered but I have found ways to keep it more in my conscious mind and not allow it to affect my emotions or actions. Basically just living with gratitude and trying to live in the current moment. We were all given five minutes to share our story. I probably got through 10 words before I started crying. I got through it because I was determined to complete my story but damn it was hard. It was really amazing to feel heard and held by the group. They sat and listened without comment and I felt very accepted. After wards we shared how we felt about the process. I shared that I was still surprised after all this time that the wound is still there and that there is still so emotion behind it. I got a huge hug from someone from my group after wards which was so nice. It was one of those wonderful experiences that changes your perspective and I am so grateful for it.

The rest of the weekend was so incredible. One of my favorite moments was getting up early and doing yoga and Tai chi. There was this great guy Dane who is an energy practitioner, body worker, and also teaches Tai Chi. I impulsively asked him to teach me some Tai Chi which resulted in getting a wonderful lesson two days in a row! It was such a gift. Dane stated 10 minutes of Tai Chi a day is better than than 10 minutes of sleep and is really all you need each day to balance your body and energy. The community meals, dance, swimming,talent show, hikes, games, songs, and worship all added up to an amazing time! I hope to maintain some inspiration and creativity that I feel I have gained this weekend. One of the readings that stayed with me was letting your passion burn inside and then burn so bright that it consumes you and you are on fire with it. I hope to continue to burn brightly.

Living with out intentions

With life being at such a neck breaking pace it is easy to go on auto pilot. It's easy to overlook what seems to be mundane questions such as what is in the food we buy, the products that we use? Where do they come from? What do the companies which we support believe in? Do they support the local community? Do they do animal testing? Do they support and promote fair labor laws. Every time that I buy something I am voting. By buying food locally I am voting for more local products. It is amazing how powerful we truly are! I was happy to see that the local organic fruit is no longer contained by a small little corner of the grocery store but is spread out further out in the produce aisle. I find it really difficult to make conscious choices about everything I buy. I don't do research every product but I try to look at what I am buying and try to make the best choice which will have the least impact on the earth. One issue that really means a lot to me right now is boycotting products that still do animal testing. Its really horrific that this is still happening. Should animals suffer needlessly so you can have that new mascara that is extra plumping? How toxic are the products that you are putting on or in your body if they have to go through such rigorous testing? Its basically a two fold solution. Less toxic products for me and supporting cruelty free products. So I am going to make a pledge to start buying only products which do not do animal testing. I am going through all my products now and am going to try to find alternatives. So far I found that St. Ives creates body wash which states is mostly all natural products and does not do animal testing. They also have a facial wash. I have been using dove and garnier products which sadly both still test on animals. I am planning to write letters to both companies and let them know that until they switch to not testing on animals that I will stop using their products. I know alone its hard to see that we can change a corporate business' way of thinking but multiply that and we can change the way things are done.

Take the pledge!!
https://secure.peta.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=2061

Election Tuesday

Sometimes I feel like the Democratic and Republican party are like angry parents arguing and the American people are the children worried that they did something wrong, kept in a constant heightened level of fear by all the fighting, while they say that they are trying to do the best by us. The system has seemed to swallow up even the best of intentions. Sure perhaps at one point Democrats and the Republicans saw more eye to eye but resentment has grown so much between parties that no matter the amount of couples counseling, we are heading into a divorce if they are not all ready separated.

Nothing seems possible in a country or "family" that is so divided. I know a lot of people are jaded right now and I can't blame them. It is difficult to remain optimistic when neither party is willing to go that extra centimeter, forget the mile.

On the other side perhaps our "parents" wouldn't be arguing so much if the American people could be more unified with what we want and really put in the work of getting it. Now the American people are for the most part very hard working people, that is not what I am saying but we forget how much power we have as consumers, voters, etc. We spend so much time thinking that we are powerless but the country doesn't run on some selected officials, it doesn't run on dunkins, it runs on us!

If we decide to wake up, if we decide to stop making decisions based in fear and think pragmatically about the overall good for this country as a whole and the people that are in it (including same sex couples, immigrants, etc) than we can truly become a strong nation again. If we allow all these things to divide us further versus uniting us than we will be lost as a country and people.

So if you are planning to vote tomorrow, I hope that you keep in mind that we are all in this together. This isn't a big king of the hill game although sometimes it sure feels like it. I remember in that game, the king doesn't stay kill of the hill for very long.

Active!!

I am feeling like I am coming out of a spiritual/emotional hibernation right now and am wanting to be active. I am very excited that I am part of a lot of projects and activities at the church including the Community Garden and the task team for the Green Action Group (GAG)I laugh at the acronym. Also still on the Social Action Committee. I love that the church is so supportive and a wonderful place to really act out my intentions and passions. Although excited, it is also daunting when you commit to a lot of groups. I guess it is nerve wracking to depend on one another especially in a group setting. We had our first Green Action Group meetings and it seemed to be a good preliminary meeting. I am actually part of the core group which will be seeing through the church becoming a green sanctuary. It is also very exciting. There are some strong minds in the group and sometimes I have difficulty getting forth what I think or feel if I am being over powered. It is good for me however and part of my continued growth. Along with being involved in these groups I am also looking forward to being more physically active, do more artistic activities, and spend good time with friends.

Flying with some difficulty!

So yesterday I went to an Aerial Fitness class at the Cirque School in Hollywood, CA. Recently I feel like I need to get back in balance with my mind/heart/body. I have a bad habit of getting too cerebral and losing track of keeping my body healthy and happy. I think this is a bad habit of a lot of people. We always have things to occupy our mind and keep our attention. Of course media encourages us to stay sexy/healthy and exercise about 30 a minutes a day but messages put out there seem unachievable and does not take in account how busy we all get. Anyway I had a great time and it was nice to get myself out of my comfort zone. My friend Jace and I both had butterflies in our stomachs before we went. Its a beautiful space surprisingly as it is right on Hollywood Blvd. It is set back in an alley and is a nice open gymnasium with trapezes and silk hanging from the ceiling. Immediately I caught the playful energy that was all around. We sat on couches and filled out our forms saying we wouldn't sue if we broke our necks and played with the dogs that were lounging around. While waiting we got to watch some of the workouts going on and people doing tricks. It was pretty impressive. Secretly I always wanted to do the silk that I saw at the circus. It just looks so beautiful, and I love things that are seamless like that.

Our workout was extreme to say the least. It opened with some pilates with a ball and it was a fun playful warm up which was pretty challenging. We broke into pairs and Jace and I started at the first station....a rope! Its funny because we had joked about the rope in gym class and the fact that we both do not have much arm strength. With yoga they have gotten better but I still felt intimidated. Well luckily we didn't have to climb it. We did have to lay on our backs and then hand over hand slowly bring ourselves up to standing and then back down again. Damn was this hard. The rest of the workout was equally hard and focused on a lot of core and arm strengthening. We hung from the trapeze and then had to bring ourselves up and then back down again. What a core workout, while you are scared that you are going to fall and break your neck. After the second one I was nervous as I felt like I was getting weaker but was able to finish three. We went on the silk and I did a summersault on it. What was nice was time was up and I was mentally blocked on doing. It is a little daunting but she was determined to have me do it and I was glad. The problem was we had given our all and were so exhausted but then realized we had to go around to the stations all over again!! This time they even choose more difficult exercises to do around the station. I had to sit out once as I was feeling really dizzy and overheated. Even though my pride was telling me finish it I listened to my body and only sat out one station and was back again. This time as we went through the stations I was able to do another trick on the silk. This time I was able to let go and hang without my hands! It did hurt/pinch a bit but was very excited.

I feel that it is very healthy to do things that challenge you and put a little fear into you. It helps to keep you determined and up for anything! I am hoping to pay for a series and get better and better at this.

Green Sanctuary!

More on the environmental activist side of things. The social action committee and ourselves are tackling the mission to get our UU church on the band wagon to become a green sanctuary. We are going to be doing this by having an event later in September, where we will show this movie Renewal: Stories for America's Religious-Environmental Movement and plan to have a discussion after wards. We are working on collaborating with religious exploration, which is the area of the church that works with all the children. We will especially be working with the teens that have shared a passion in having the congregation become a green sanctuary. We are planning on making this an event and plan to have it be completely sustainable. All the food will be locally grown, all recycled biodegradable paper products, etc.

The hope is that this event will start a momentum going and we can develop a commitment from people interested in starting a committee. Realistically this type of project could take years and cost a lot. We have to be realistic about what things we can tackle without putting a lot of money into it. We already have reusable mugs we use every Sunday. That is example of the type of small changes we can make but other things like changing all the toilets to low flow will take a lot of money and time. Hopefully this will have a secondary impact with the teens. We are hoping to have them as leaders in this movement which will help them in developing greater feelings of self efficacy and empowerment.

So very excited about this and all the great things we are doing at the church. I am also planning to join the committee on developing a community garden at the church. Very excited. It will be so amazing to be a part of such a project.

IT'S BEEN A YEAR

Wow it's been a year since I turned 30, and since I went through the month of rituals that took me on such an in depth investigation of myself. This year for my birthday I went to Vegas for my friend Erin's wedding. It was incredible to get a way and although there was some running around and activities to do, I enjoyed the time where I spent with myself. Those moments are so rare now and it was a good reminder that I do indeed like my own company and to take time away to spend with myself. I got a massage in for my birthday, haha that might be my birthday ritual as I went to the spa on my birthday the year before. Anyways, there was one ritual that I thought that I would keep with. This one was initially recommended by my friend Jessica and involves writing a letter to yourself for your next year's birthday. So on my birthday I was the first one to wish myself a happy birthday.

I'd like to share what I wrote:
Happy 31st!
It's been a year. I wonder where you are right now. Is everything familiar or would I not recognize the life you have now? At 29 and almost 30 I am really happy with my life right now. Sure some things are up in the air still. I am hoping for a job in my field, the stipend is starting to wind down. July 21st is when supposedly that's it, presto! supposed to have a job. I have faith in you though that you can do it. You have the determination and the passion. You probably will laugh when you read this having found some place or something that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. I hope so. I hope that you don't ever let any self doubt ever stop you. You have it all inside of you, you just have to own it. I think the desire to want to help others is more important then skill. That can be developed over time but the real drive to want to help and the compassion cannot be bought. I hope that you have found a regular rhythm for your self, been able to integrate things that you love into your life. Its so easy to get caught up in the every day and forget about what you love. Right now Brian and I are so in love. Remember that is what is important is the two of you. Nothing could be more important. Don't let anything could that. It might just be a year from now until my 31st but every year has already brought so much change. No doubt another year will be the same. I think we are starting off with a good beginning. I am celebrating turning 30 and embracing it totally. Thought it was funny that someone at work was surprised that I had written I am turning 30! on the top of the flier. I actually at first didn't understand why I should be upset I am turning 30. I am grateful for everything I have received and accomplished before 30. Why shouldn't I celebrate it? So what do I hop for myself in a year from now? Just to continue to realize what is really important: friends,family, purpose. Purpose and career come third. I hope that you have gained more self confidence and assurance. You have done some much already that I am proud of. Keep up the good work!

Love Tessa (Your 29/almost 30 self) :)


-Response: It was really amazing to read this and see where I am now. I do have a job in the field now, working out of a psychiatric hospital where I am obtaining soo much knowledge. I am not receiving hours right now but soo much experience. Hoping to get this internship in Burbank and start seeing clients in August. I am integrating things/activities that I enjoy back into my life. I see my friends more often, go out, participate in planning events, etc. Something as simple as filling up my ipod, listening to music. I didn't have time to do that before when I was finishing school. There is one line in the letter that really helps me, "I think the desire to want to help others is more important then skill. That can be developed over time but the real drive to want to help and the compassion cannot be bought." Often times I psych myself out and this helps me to be comfortable where I am currently.

So I wrote another letter to myself which I will open when I turn 32. Looking forward to learning more from myself :)

To vegan or not to vegan

As I have a nutty yummy vegan banana bread baking in the oven I am writing this entry. The concept of baking/cooking vegan has always been a mysterious endeavor that always intrigued me for many reasons. Besides the how I feel that health and eco wise makes a lot of sense. Now I am not even close to giving up my omnivore ways but I do want more options in my life where I can make/eat fresh good food when I am in such a mood although the next moment I might be struck by a desire for a big greasy slice of cheese pizza. I don't want to come from a point of depriving myself but be more aware of what products are out there and give myself more healthy options. I am pretty sick of packing the quick frozen meal, high sodium soup, etc. For instance, I just got a recipe to make tofu lettuce wraps that I am very excited to make this week.

I just bought this book called The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes. It is written by Kris Holecheck and holds numerous yummy contraptions including muffins/cakes/cookies/pies. Recipes like pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, french toast muffin, You are My Sunshine Loaf....will keep me busy for awhile. Luckily I have a husband and co workers that definitely welcome any sugary contributions.

So as go clean up a disastrous kitchen which has seen two wars today, first with the vegan baked mac and cheese I made (pretty good but have to get used to soy cheese) and now the banana bread I pledge to try to be adventurous even if sometimes it only goes afar as the kitchen . :)

Waste Not

So back in my summer between elementary school and high school I went to this camp. We met some of the other kids from other schools in the area that would be going to the high school. We climbed ropes, learned about astrology, about team leadership, and the environment. What struck me most was at the dining hall where they actually took a measurement of all the food that was wasted at the end of the meal. Little by little over the days the amount that was wasted went down as we became more conscious of how much we put on our plate, etc.

Similarly over the last few years I have started to recycle more items and more regularly. This cut my trash in half or more! Also I try to buy items with the thoughts about the packaging and how easily it will be recycled. This can all be summed up with the concept of the carbon footprint but its more than that, its living consciously with every action you make and it is as important as the items you buy or throw away.

This feels even more important with so many people out of work and having difficulty feeding their families. A friend of a friend doesn't even have money for gas/food. This is real and its hitting home.

Recently trying to find ways to not waste food. Often times I would just go to the store and buy whatever I found appealing. Half of it would go bad because I would forget about it or not find a use for it. Now I try to think of what I have and how I can use it and trying to get creative. Tonight I'm making bread pudding for the first time. My husband always leaves all the bread ends so I would have 4/5 small bags of all these stale bread that I would throw out. Yuck. So instead transforming it into something yummy.

Something that seems disposable might have a use after all. I have found old yoplait yogurt containers to work very well to mix paints. Toothbrushes can be used to clean around the house. Although this might sound gross to some, some companies like Preserve will take back old Preserve tootbrushes/razors and will recycle them, www.preserveproducts.com through their Gimme5 program.

Companies like Salvation Army, Good Will, Got Junk will come and pick up items from you for free.

Will continue to share ideas of how to make small changes that ultimately will make a big impact!

My own small steps towards change

So I feel as if I have been putting a lot of things off. Work has taken over a large portion of my life for the last four months. Before that was grad school, with barely a moment to think. There are really small things that I want to accomplish and that weigh on my mind. I am thinking about trying to tackle one a day, so little by little I can can feel back on track.

-Get back to drinking tea (just bought a tea kettle tonight!) - starting very very small, I have been drinking too much coffee and wasting too much money. So starting tomorrow will try to start drinking tea again. It helps me not get too hyper and then crash/burn

-Clean house top to bottom. Hire a housekeeper to get the place back to shape where it was before my life was sucked up with school and all.

-Get back into a hobby. There are lots that I used to really enjoy and eventually would like to get back involved with all of them but want to start with one first.
Hobbies - painting/violin/Spanish lessons/dance lessons/scrapbooking/martial arts

-Start a morning work out routine again.

-Get in touch with music...can't remember the last cd I bought

-travel - even small trips like maybe to the Grand Canyon or something. Love and miss road trips

-Do a hand stand in yoga! For some reason scares the bezuses out of me.

-Beat a video game on my own! I always get stuck on some point and don't finish. I have so many half finished games.

-Find a placement to get my hours. Saturday 11/21 I went to an info session at San Fernando Valley Counseling Center. I really liked it there. They are very low key and I love that they provide you with some much training and support. I'm going to submit my application there.

Giving thanks

Taking an inventory right now of my life, I am very happy and feel so much gratitude for the people and opportunities I have in my life. It feels me with gigantic warmth when I think about my wonderful husband, home, friends, my job which I feel very passionate about, my health, my drive, my creativity, etc. It is really good to be in a place in my life where I can just slow down and be grateful. That is why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday while although the history of Thanksgiving itself has some scary roots with the Pilgrims/Indians not being such bosom buddies as they are made out to be. Thanksgiving is about stopping and being grateful for everything we have in our lives. This is something I try to acknowledge every day. Perhaps it is because of the work that I do but I really do appreciate every moment I have with those I love as life is fleeting and can change in an instant.

So when things are becoming overwhelming just breathe in all the love and warmth that you have in your life and give thanks.

So much to say

Really want to get back on track with updating my blog. I feel that there is so much going on in the world right now. Its almost difficult to know where to start. I feel very passionately about the healthcare reform debate, the environment, politics, etc. Where to even start? I feel that we are on the brink of something. I have heard the clicking of the tracks as we have clicked to the top, we are looking over the edge but we need to just let go of all our differences and fear. Our society in America seems so permeated with fear right now. Its thick with the stuff. Its a different kind of fear. With Bush we had the constant fear of attack. I think the Bush administration encouraged this. It sure played a huge part in Bush's re-election. Now the fear has become more personal. Instead of fear of a general attack, people are afraid that their way of life will be changed forever. Well it will be but this doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. We should never go back to the way we were. Just over consuming with our heads down, only thing of our individual needs. There are broader wide spread concerns. Universal health care has to happen and if done right it will help to dig us out of our economic downfall. I have known to many people that have died needlessly due to no coverage. Our voice has become very important now. Now is the time to speak up and say what we want, ears are listening. I appreciate Obama's open door policy and openness to criticism of his policies. Healthcare reform is going to happen but what happens is also up to the American people if we just open our mouths and heart about what is truly best for everyone.

Back to my primary purpose of this blog

My primary purpose of this blog was to bring up political/social/environmental issues that I feel passionate about and small ways in which I am trying to make a difference. I feel that I have been terribly out of the loop lately. I did just get back from my social action committee meeting at the U.U. church I belong to. We have been trying to develop a way to create a volunteer directory and pretty much get people off their butts and doing something. We had a service titled, service is our prayer and I think it got people thinking about the ways that they can effect change. Other than that I have been thinking a lot about the principles of my community psychology specialization and how I can influence the work that I do. One thing that I have found was that there is a serious lack of clothing at the hospital. Patients actually sometimes run around in gowns or the same clothes the whole week because they don't have anything else. This I see as harming the dignity of the individual. Everyone should have access to appropriate clothing. Administration wants to have a clothing drive which is wonderful but there is just so much clothes you can wring from the same pile of employees. I actually touched base with Buffalo Exchange which buys/trades clothes. They are willing to donate if someone picks up the clothes and if we send a letter of intent. I have shared this with administration which they were excited about and said they would do the letter. Its been like a week now and still nothing. I feel a need to help push this through and am thinking about writing the letter and to other local businesses that might be also willing to donate clothes. My little mission....

Pics of tattoo

Oh wow, didn't realize I didn't have pics of my tattoo up. Its completely healed now. I really loved how it came out.

Exhausted!

My new job as a case manager at Las Encinas Hospital calls for Speedy Gonzalez on crack. Its very fast paced and I am working every second nonstop from when I get there until I leave. I hope partially this is because of the learning curve and that things will lighten up as I get used to everything. I am going home completely wiped out every day and feel pretty useless when I get home. I am actually taking naps when I get home from work. Kind of sad... My hope is that I will get used to this routine so I can get a second job on the side where I can collect hours towards my license. Right now don't know if I could handle it. In another week my second job (old job) prob will end so hopefully will have more energy then.

Til then......

Over due update! Lots of exciting news!

So much has happened. I was offered the position at Las Encinas and will start on July 13th! I feel really ready for this change. It was really wonderful to be able to go to my graduation ceremony on Sunday 6/28/09 and be able to greet/hug my teachers letting them know that I am going to be putting what I learned and worked for to practice. It will be hard to leave my current position. The work itself is often monotonous and unchallenging but putting a smile on a patient's face, consoling a family member, or finding that solution that helps the team and puts a patient at ease has been so rewarding. There is also the comfort of knowing what to expect. My day at work is broken down in comfortable repetitive activities. In the morning there is the slow step into the day with drinking coffee, eating breakfast, checking messages, etc. The same song comes on every morning around 10am. Its this disco fever song or something. That sort of marks that the day has begun and gets us busy. By 11 I have done some tasks and am gettign ready to go over to assist with the lunch program, meaning I help/visit with patients during lunch. I have my lunch and then the afternoon crawls on. I might write some notes, make some calls, spend time with patients/families, surf the web a bit. Its comfortable and generally unstressful. I know the team so well and how they will react to something I say. Although comfortable I feel myself screaming inside at times when things feel so repetitive. There is little change in the patients on my unit. This will be a far cry from my new job that will be nonstop running around from the sound of things.

So besides my new job, I just graduated formally. It was a really beautiful ceremony. I have been officially graudated with my masters in clinical psychology since the end of December but it is only now that it really feels final. It was an extremely hot day on Sunday, so the thought of downing a thick black robe with a velvet long cover did not sound so apealing. Luckily the ceremony was inside at the Roce Hall at UCLA, which was air conditioned. Portia picked me up and we drove excitedly to UCLA. It took us awhile to get situated and find where to park. We went in and met fellow students that we would graduate with. I got my card which said Theresa Collins Journeau. I had them change it to Theresa Collins but didn't think to change my line up number until later. I changed my line up so I would be with the C's and guess what! I was right next to my close friend Deborah Cluff. She was number 115 and they made me number 115.5. It felt so fitting because Deb and I have gone through this whole process together. There were many weekends when we cried, laughed with each other over material and things that came up at school. We dug in our souls during our master's program. During that process we had to bare our souls to each other. I feel as if I bared my soul the most with Deb as she did with me. My master's program has forever changed me for the better. It is one of the best things that I have done for myself and for others. It feels so amazing to know I am on the right path. Wow ok I just went on a tangent. Well regardless to say it was amazing to stand next to Deborah during the whole ceremony. I spotted my husband, good friend and neighbor Ginger, and our friends Meg and Chris in the audience. I had my own cheering section and it made up the fact that my parents couldn't be there. It was a fairly long ceremony. I'm sure much more so for those that weren't students. The speeches were very powerful and found myself tearing a bit. The room was so energized with feelings of joy and accomplishment! Finally it came time for us to go up and get our diploma covers, shake the president's hand, and get our pictures taken. It happened soooo fast. Deborah crossed the stage as I handed my card to the announcer. I walked as they called my name, shook hands with the president, got a hug from the Chair of the Psychology Dept, got my picture taken, and then got hugs from all of my teachers. I loved that part. Just falling into a pit of love and pride from my teachers who were my colleagues, gurus, confidants, etc. during this whole process. I really feel as if I could go to them when I need help in my career and they would be there for me. I am so blessed that I found Antioch. After the president formally recognized our degrees. We stood as he spoke and that confirmation spoken outloud unlocked something for me. I feel as if that moment and that moment among my teachers was the moment that this all felt real to me. I really did this and I am really going on to something greater. After we exited we had a nice after party on the patio. It was quite crowded and difficult to get around but got flowers from my friends Jess and Whitney who were there for Deb and I. I got some refreshments and talked to teachers and friends. Afterwards Brian, Ginger, Meg and Chris, and I celebrated at El Torito. I of course celebrated with some tequila aka huge rasberry margarita that was so yummy. Got these amazing sizzling enchiladas which is kind of a mix between fajitas and enchiladas. Sooo good. Ginger also gave me a certificate to get a massage. So excited, its really close by to our place and the name of the massage is the Serenity Massage. So perfect. I think I will try to get it done before my new job starts. oooh prob should get it before my tattoo on the 12th. Anyway that's enough for now. I'll write a new entry for my visit with the fam this past week and a half.

Interview outcome

So not bad! I met with the director of Case Management at Las Encinas who also is in charge of the Assessment and Referall department. Thought it was cool that he basically said I was overqualified for the Assessment position as its just admission paperwork and inquired if I would be interested in doing case management. I would be managing a large caseload of patients in an acute psych unit arranging everything from the minute that they walk in the door to when they are d/c'd and even sometimes beyond that. I would be working with the team and the MD to coordinate all care. I am pretty comfortable with all of that. Its very similiar to what I am doing now. Its in a beautiful beautitul location. There seems to be lots of room to more around however I prob will be committing to doing the case management gig for a year. Its a big decision and Brian and I talked about it. It doesn't pay as well as I'd hoped but will be like a 10% pay increase from what I am currently making. Hoping to secure a part time position at my current job to do some hours on weekends if they need me for documentation etc. If not will try something part time so I can afford to pay back my student loans!
Well the interview itself seemed to go well and even got to meet the team. They seemed to be comfortable with me and were impressed with my experience. It will be hard work but Im going to work my ass off! The director asked me to call him tomorrow so we'll see if they offer me the job!

Off to an interview today

I'm a bundle of nerves but am trying to collect myself. I made a contact through a student at school and got an interview at Las Encinas Hospital. The position appears to entail completing clinical assessments on intake to determine level of care needed. This is pretty in line with what I was doing at Tarzana Treatment Center so I feel comfortable in some ways but I am never comfortable being in a position of having to sell myself. I believe this is an universal feeling amongst many but I know others who just live for interviews and blow them out of the water like my friend Tanya. Sooo off to Pasadena in about 30 minutes. Ahhhhh!!!!