IT'S BEEN A YEAR

Wow it's been a year since I turned 30, and since I went through the month of rituals that took me on such an in depth investigation of myself. This year for my birthday I went to Vegas for my friend Erin's wedding. It was incredible to get a way and although there was some running around and activities to do, I enjoyed the time where I spent with myself. Those moments are so rare now and it was a good reminder that I do indeed like my own company and to take time away to spend with myself. I got a massage in for my birthday, haha that might be my birthday ritual as I went to the spa on my birthday the year before. Anyways, there was one ritual that I thought that I would keep with. This one was initially recommended by my friend Jessica and involves writing a letter to yourself for your next year's birthday. So on my birthday I was the first one to wish myself a happy birthday.

I'd like to share what I wrote:
Happy 31st!
It's been a year. I wonder where you are right now. Is everything familiar or would I not recognize the life you have now? At 29 and almost 30 I am really happy with my life right now. Sure some things are up in the air still. I am hoping for a job in my field, the stipend is starting to wind down. July 21st is when supposedly that's it, presto! supposed to have a job. I have faith in you though that you can do it. You have the determination and the passion. You probably will laugh when you read this having found some place or something that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. I hope so. I hope that you don't ever let any self doubt ever stop you. You have it all inside of you, you just have to own it. I think the desire to want to help others is more important then skill. That can be developed over time but the real drive to want to help and the compassion cannot be bought. I hope that you have found a regular rhythm for your self, been able to integrate things that you love into your life. Its so easy to get caught up in the every day and forget about what you love. Right now Brian and I are so in love. Remember that is what is important is the two of you. Nothing could be more important. Don't let anything could that. It might just be a year from now until my 31st but every year has already brought so much change. No doubt another year will be the same. I think we are starting off with a good beginning. I am celebrating turning 30 and embracing it totally. Thought it was funny that someone at work was surprised that I had written I am turning 30! on the top of the flier. I actually at first didn't understand why I should be upset I am turning 30. I am grateful for everything I have received and accomplished before 30. Why shouldn't I celebrate it? So what do I hop for myself in a year from now? Just to continue to realize what is really important: friends,family, purpose. Purpose and career come third. I hope that you have gained more self confidence and assurance. You have done some much already that I am proud of. Keep up the good work!

Love Tessa (Your 29/almost 30 self) :)


-Response: It was really amazing to read this and see where I am now. I do have a job in the field now, working out of a psychiatric hospital where I am obtaining soo much knowledge. I am not receiving hours right now but soo much experience. Hoping to get this internship in Burbank and start seeing clients in August. I am integrating things/activities that I enjoy back into my life. I see my friends more often, go out, participate in planning events, etc. Something as simple as filling up my ipod, listening to music. I didn't have time to do that before when I was finishing school. There is one line in the letter that really helps me, "I think the desire to want to help others is more important then skill. That can be developed over time but the real drive to want to help and the compassion cannot be bought." Often times I psych myself out and this helps me to be comfortable where I am currently.

So I wrote another letter to myself which I will open when I turn 32. Looking forward to learning more from myself :)

To vegan or not to vegan

As I have a nutty yummy vegan banana bread baking in the oven I am writing this entry. The concept of baking/cooking vegan has always been a mysterious endeavor that always intrigued me for many reasons. Besides the how I feel that health and eco wise makes a lot of sense. Now I am not even close to giving up my omnivore ways but I do want more options in my life where I can make/eat fresh good food when I am in such a mood although the next moment I might be struck by a desire for a big greasy slice of cheese pizza. I don't want to come from a point of depriving myself but be more aware of what products are out there and give myself more healthy options. I am pretty sick of packing the quick frozen meal, high sodium soup, etc. For instance, I just got a recipe to make tofu lettuce wraps that I am very excited to make this week.

I just bought this book called The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes. It is written by Kris Holecheck and holds numerous yummy contraptions including muffins/cakes/cookies/pies. Recipes like pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, french toast muffin, You are My Sunshine Loaf....will keep me busy for awhile. Luckily I have a husband and co workers that definitely welcome any sugary contributions.

So as go clean up a disastrous kitchen which has seen two wars today, first with the vegan baked mac and cheese I made (pretty good but have to get used to soy cheese) and now the banana bread I pledge to try to be adventurous even if sometimes it only goes afar as the kitchen . :)

Waste Not

So back in my summer between elementary school and high school I went to this camp. We met some of the other kids from other schools in the area that would be going to the high school. We climbed ropes, learned about astrology, about team leadership, and the environment. What struck me most was at the dining hall where they actually took a measurement of all the food that was wasted at the end of the meal. Little by little over the days the amount that was wasted went down as we became more conscious of how much we put on our plate, etc.

Similarly over the last few years I have started to recycle more items and more regularly. This cut my trash in half or more! Also I try to buy items with the thoughts about the packaging and how easily it will be recycled. This can all be summed up with the concept of the carbon footprint but its more than that, its living consciously with every action you make and it is as important as the items you buy or throw away.

This feels even more important with so many people out of work and having difficulty feeding their families. A friend of a friend doesn't even have money for gas/food. This is real and its hitting home.

Recently trying to find ways to not waste food. Often times I would just go to the store and buy whatever I found appealing. Half of it would go bad because I would forget about it or not find a use for it. Now I try to think of what I have and how I can use it and trying to get creative. Tonight I'm making bread pudding for the first time. My husband always leaves all the bread ends so I would have 4/5 small bags of all these stale bread that I would throw out. Yuck. So instead transforming it into something yummy.

Something that seems disposable might have a use after all. I have found old yoplait yogurt containers to work very well to mix paints. Toothbrushes can be used to clean around the house. Although this might sound gross to some, some companies like Preserve will take back old Preserve tootbrushes/razors and will recycle them, www.preserveproducts.com through their Gimme5 program.

Companies like Salvation Army, Good Will, Got Junk will come and pick up items from you for free.

Will continue to share ideas of how to make small changes that ultimately will make a big impact!

My own small steps towards change

So I feel as if I have been putting a lot of things off. Work has taken over a large portion of my life for the last four months. Before that was grad school, with barely a moment to think. There are really small things that I want to accomplish and that weigh on my mind. I am thinking about trying to tackle one a day, so little by little I can can feel back on track.

-Get back to drinking tea (just bought a tea kettle tonight!) - starting very very small, I have been drinking too much coffee and wasting too much money. So starting tomorrow will try to start drinking tea again. It helps me not get too hyper and then crash/burn

-Clean house top to bottom. Hire a housekeeper to get the place back to shape where it was before my life was sucked up with school and all.

-Get back into a hobby. There are lots that I used to really enjoy and eventually would like to get back involved with all of them but want to start with one first.
Hobbies - painting/violin/Spanish lessons/dance lessons/scrapbooking/martial arts

-Start a morning work out routine again.

-Get in touch with music...can't remember the last cd I bought

-travel - even small trips like maybe to the Grand Canyon or something. Love and miss road trips

-Do a hand stand in yoga! For some reason scares the bezuses out of me.

-Beat a video game on my own! I always get stuck on some point and don't finish. I have so many half finished games.

-Find a placement to get my hours. Saturday 11/21 I went to an info session at San Fernando Valley Counseling Center. I really liked it there. They are very low key and I love that they provide you with some much training and support. I'm going to submit my application there.

Giving thanks

Taking an inventory right now of my life, I am very happy and feel so much gratitude for the people and opportunities I have in my life. It feels me with gigantic warmth when I think about my wonderful husband, home, friends, my job which I feel very passionate about, my health, my drive, my creativity, etc. It is really good to be in a place in my life where I can just slow down and be grateful. That is why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday while although the history of Thanksgiving itself has some scary roots with the Pilgrims/Indians not being such bosom buddies as they are made out to be. Thanksgiving is about stopping and being grateful for everything we have in our lives. This is something I try to acknowledge every day. Perhaps it is because of the work that I do but I really do appreciate every moment I have with those I love as life is fleeting and can change in an instant.

So when things are becoming overwhelming just breathe in all the love and warmth that you have in your life and give thanks.

So much to say

Really want to get back on track with updating my blog. I feel that there is so much going on in the world right now. Its almost difficult to know where to start. I feel very passionately about the healthcare reform debate, the environment, politics, etc. Where to even start? I feel that we are on the brink of something. I have heard the clicking of the tracks as we have clicked to the top, we are looking over the edge but we need to just let go of all our differences and fear. Our society in America seems so permeated with fear right now. Its thick with the stuff. Its a different kind of fear. With Bush we had the constant fear of attack. I think the Bush administration encouraged this. It sure played a huge part in Bush's re-election. Now the fear has become more personal. Instead of fear of a general attack, people are afraid that their way of life will be changed forever. Well it will be but this doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. We should never go back to the way we were. Just over consuming with our heads down, only thing of our individual needs. There are broader wide spread concerns. Universal health care has to happen and if done right it will help to dig us out of our economic downfall. I have known to many people that have died needlessly due to no coverage. Our voice has become very important now. Now is the time to speak up and say what we want, ears are listening. I appreciate Obama's open door policy and openness to criticism of his policies. Healthcare reform is going to happen but what happens is also up to the American people if we just open our mouths and heart about what is truly best for everyone.

Back to my primary purpose of this blog

My primary purpose of this blog was to bring up political/social/environmental issues that I feel passionate about and small ways in which I am trying to make a difference. I feel that I have been terribly out of the loop lately. I did just get back from my social action committee meeting at the U.U. church I belong to. We have been trying to develop a way to create a volunteer directory and pretty much get people off their butts and doing something. We had a service titled, service is our prayer and I think it got people thinking about the ways that they can effect change. Other than that I have been thinking a lot about the principles of my community psychology specialization and how I can influence the work that I do. One thing that I have found was that there is a serious lack of clothing at the hospital. Patients actually sometimes run around in gowns or the same clothes the whole week because they don't have anything else. This I see as harming the dignity of the individual. Everyone should have access to appropriate clothing. Administration wants to have a clothing drive which is wonderful but there is just so much clothes you can wring from the same pile of employees. I actually touched base with Buffalo Exchange which buys/trades clothes. They are willing to donate if someone picks up the clothes and if we send a letter of intent. I have shared this with administration which they were excited about and said they would do the letter. Its been like a week now and still nothing. I feel a need to help push this through and am thinking about writing the letter and to other local businesses that might be also willing to donate clothes. My little mission....