Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A New Awareness

The routine of the every day has a hypnotic quality about it. It feels quite easy to slip into a state of suspended life. You are going through the motions but not truly aware of your environment. Just waiting for the tic of the clock to tell you are free. But what then? You go home with other types of responsibilities and you are still not free. Free is a choice....being present is a choice. At work I notice that my awareness goes in and out. Particularly what state my mind is at. I enjoy engaging and interacting with others. This is what makes me alive.

I work as a social worker at a convalescent hospital. Recently we have changed our lunch program. I am now supposed to go to the other station and interact & assist with the residents on that station. Initially it felt like an inconvenience but now it usually turns into one of my greatest joys all day. Today just being aware I made multiple meaningful contacts with some of the patients. I assisted a woman who is struck with a neuromuscular disease which gives her minimal use of her hands. She is pretty hilarious and has found her own way of getting by. She has learned to be so humble, to ask for help when she needs it. I helped her peel her banana and break the shell off her hard boiled eggs. She was very grateful. I spoke awhile to my German friend, Ursula. It is nice to watch her face brighten up now when I come into the room. We are getting to know each othe slowly. She is such a character. She used to work for Elvis Presly as a housekeeper and keeps stating that she doesn't know what the fuss is about her working for him. "He was just a man with a two story house." On my way out I saw this sweet old woman Irene who was confused where her room was. I brought her to her room and she said that she will never forget my help. Out the door I helped two residents. One had a long rope hanging from their wheel chair so I tucked it in. Another resident dropped his cane and I picked it up.

Lets be a cyclone of help/joy/gladness instead of anger/pity/sadness/resentment. When you open the door and your heart, it is amazing what impact you can have just in your immediate environment. Just changing the energy in your home will increase your positive mood, which will affect your other immediate environments like your work environment. Its all contagious and responsive. We don't need to start with a march to Washington. We can start with just walking and opening our eyes wider than they have been. By doing this we are creating the opportunity to be present and truly alive.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Inspiring Books, Movies, Music

Taking recommendations for books, movies, music that have really impacted peoples' lives. Suddenly I have this crazy urge like I have been told I have a year to live to see all the beauty in the world and not miss a thing.

These are some of the recommendations I have gotten so far.

Fight Club
Waking Life
Groundhog’s Day (My friend Lisa recommended I watch this. This is actually one of my fav movies....and definitely fitting for this. "Don't drive angry!")
American Beauty
Naughty Cal
Requiem for a Dream (Seen this before and although the stories are so amazing, it was so renching that I don't know if I could sit through it again)
Amelie (This is one that Im puttin on the list to watch, I love it, and its so inspirational about living and loving in the moment.

Very excited about my friend Kolleen's recommendations for music. Want to try to expand and connect to music that I might have overlooked)
Fiona Apple
Kristen Hirsh, “Ghost”
Annie Lennox
Amy Riot grrl band
Bikini Kill
Sleater Kinney
Le tigre
Dax riggs
Deadboy and the elephantmen
Agents of oblivion

(Wow am I going to busy)
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
Wasted by Marya Hornbacher
Madness by Hornbacher
The Center of Winter
The Hours
See a Grown Man Cry, Now Watch Him Die by Henry Rollins
Anything by John Irving
A Prayer for Owen Meaney
Poetry collections – Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Adrienne Rich, The Dogs of Babe
Anything by A.M. Homes
Gaining by Aimee Liu
Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters
Going Hungry by Lauren Greenfield
Thin by Greenfield
Cunt by Inga Musico

Books that I'm already reading as part of this project
The 4 Agreements (review/response soon)
Wild Succulant Woman (review/response soon)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Lotus Tattoo

Thinking of getting a small purple opening lotus tattoo on my back. The meaning of the lotus flower seems so right for where I am at this moment and what I continue to try to achieve. I intend hopefully to put it on the back of my heart on my back to remind me also to approach the world with an open hearth. Specifically fitting at I am becoming a therapist.

Here is the meaning of the purple lotus:
Among all the lotus flowers the purple lotus flower is considered one of the most beautiful and very sacred. The purple lotus flower is so special because it is rare and distinctive. The unique purple lotus flower is found in many parts of India. The reason for the purple lotus being a scared flower is its condition of growth.

The lotus flower represents all that man desires to achieve; it is the metaphysical representation of the heights of human consciousness. The purple lotus flower germinates at the bottom of a muddy, filthy pond and is surrounded by muck. However with time the lotus blossoms and raises its beautiful pure head above all the filth. The lotus blooms as a beautiful flower away from the dirt turning its face towards the light. This is the spiritual height at which all of mankind wants to reach. To live within this real world, yet remain detached from all its evils is what a human being strives to achieve.

In India the Hindu Goddess of wealth Laxmi is seated on a sacred purple lotus flower. In some esoteric sects the eight petals of the lotus represent the noble eight fold path. The purple lotus flower is known as the mystic lotus. Apart from its spiritual connotations, the lotus bed and stems are used as edible items in many cultures. All these religious and spiritual symbolisms make it a popular design for tattoos. The purple lotus flower has a beautiful mild fragrance; all this in combination make the purple lotus flower spectacular.

Comparitvely these are the other meanings for other lotus flowers but they didn't quite seem to fit. I don't see myself as close to the devine etc. as I see that as in body human form we will always just be trying to achieve understanding and spiritual perfection. Don't think I can achieve that in this form. So that omits the White or Pink lotus. Blue - victory of the spirit over the senses/Red -purity of the heart, which would seem the closest other option. I just don't see myself with a red or blue flower. The purple lotus is the most rare/beautiful and is considered the mystic lotus. Other than the other meanings of the lotus I like that it also has been symbolic of the 8 fold path as I've been studying Buddhism since I was in highschool.

)White Lotus (Skt. pundarika; Tib. pad ma dkar po): This represents the state of spiritual perfection and total mental purity (bodhi). It is associated with the White Tara and proclaims her perfect nature, a quality which is reinforced by the color of her body.

2). Red Lotus (Skt. kamala; Tib: pad ma chu skyes): This signifies the original nature and purity of the heart (hrdya). It is the lotus of love, compassion, passion and all other qualities of the heart. It is the flower of Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva of compassion.

3). Blue Lotus (Skt. utpala; Tib. ut pa la): This is a symbol of the victory of the spirit over the senses, and signifies the wisdom of knowledge. Not surprisingly, it is the preferred flower of Manjushri, the bodhisattva of wisdom.

4). Pink Lotus (Skt. padma; Tib. pad ma dmar po): This the supreme lotus, generally reserved for the highest deity. Thus naturally it is associated with the Great Buddha himself."

Purple Lotus Flower by ~shimadatattoofamily on deviantART

*An addition I thought about adding a heart to the lotus flower. Possibly inside the
flower so the lotus petals opening make the heart partially visible. This feels more fitting to me and encompasses everything that I have been wanting. The heart is often in Eastern religions discussed as a lotus that opens slowly to shine the light from within. Also found a tattoo parlor in Sherman Oaks that I am interested in. The artist that I like so far is Sal from Subculture Tattoo. His work is very vibrant, amazing color technique, definition, etc. http://subculturetattoo.com/

Yesterday, 4/15/09 I checked out Studio City Tattoo which is a Ye Old Tattoo Parlor. It's pirate inspired which definitely goes well with the tattoo artists being called Captain so and so. My friend Amy who is pretty comfortable in tattoo shops came with me and we had fun pouring over books. I liked some of the work by this artist named Dana. He seems to do really well at the coloring and everything has pretty good definition. He wasn't there but I mentioned quickly to one of the guys what I was looking for. When I told him that I wanted a lotus, he said beautiful, looked at me and said it fits. I was wearing colorful/hippish clothing so prob gave him that idea. The guys were really friendly but don't know if its the place for me yet. Amy and I went by Subculture around 9:30pm but unfortunately it was closed even though they are supposed to be open until 11pm. Perhaps they had no appointments. We'll keep on looking...this kind of thing demands research, patience, etc.

6/1 - So unfortunately the tattoo artist that I liked at Subculture, Sal is no longer there but my friend Amy had me check out this place called zulu tattoo. Now they specialize in a lot of tribal/spiritual tattoos. I like their emphasis that this is a huge thing, and what ever is chosen is a sacred mark. Also they even have the option to get reiki while you are getting a tattoo. As being attuned myself I feel that it would make it an even more meaningful and more relaxing process. Don't know how relaxed I will be with having a needle at my skin but perhaps I can meditate into the pain.

I have an appointment on Wednesday, 6/3/09 at 6:30pm to have a consultation with Misha at zulu. She seems cool and like her art. She has done lots of lotus tattoos but hope that she will sit with me and we can really specialize it. Its becoming more real now. Getting a little nervous but excited!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Why stimilus package might just be a band aide

In this difficult economic time it perhaps seems simple to think, if we just throw money at people they will instantly become happy contributors to our failing economy. But it seems to me like we are trying to jump a battery that `is more than half dead. When do we admit that we need to buy a new battery or in this case change our thinking, possibly away from a consumerism society? In a consumerism society very few members of that society benefit while a great majority start to fall further and further down with very little hope or help to get back up. Desperation increase with job and money shortages and this is the time that crime goes up as more and more participate in illegal activity in order to make money.
We only make up a small percentage of the world’s population but we consume over 70% of the world’s resources. I have seen pockets of hope in this recession. Here in America we pride ourselves in our individuality, hard work, pull yourself up by your boot straps mentality. While this is admirable I feel that our honoring of individuality has put distance between ourselves and other people. We look only as far as what will serve us. Now things have started to change slowly. I see more and more friends and family coming together to support each other. Instead of a night out I’m seeing more social and community gatherings. We are starting to understand again the meaning of community and the strength of like minds coming together. As Margaret Mead is famous for saying, "Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
We have more power than we think. For one I am not going to buy into the concept that we can spend our way out of this mess. This is our time to stand together and demand what we feel is important including increased jobs, better healthcare, more accessibility for higher education, etc. The answer is more about coming together to support one another and less than trying to keep at the status quo that we have enjoyed. The truth is that status quo was not sustainable financially or environmentally. Success does not have to be defined by having lots of stuff but by having a quality life.
"Any relation that does exist between happiness and income is relative rather than
absolute. the happiness people derive from consumption is based on whether they consume more
than their neighbors and more than they did in the past. The upper classes in any society are more satisfied with their lives than the lower classes are, but they are no more satisfied than the upper
classes of much poorer countries, nor than the upper classes were in the less affluent past."
-Michael Argyle, The psychology of happiness

Thursday, March 12, 2009

30 Rituals

So the responses started coming in right away. I was so amazed by the creativity and thought that went into each one.

I am also taking this time to take some inventory of my life, cleaning our apartment because it soo needs it and symbolic of cleaning out the old, journaling, reading inspirational books, am going to start a detox program, and a home exercise program.

Books I'm reading: Women that Run with Wolves

The Four Agreements by Ruiz and Succulant Wild Woman by Sark.

I am still soo open for recommendations for good books to help me in this self awareness project.

**Wow** The responses were amazing and total over 30 so I will be combining some to one day so I will be able to do all of them. Stay tuned and I'll update you on my experiences!
1. Jenna
(Help a total stranger)DONE
"I'm sure this is something you already do. But I think for mine, I would like you to help a total stranger in need. If you see someone in the grocery store and they can't reach something. Offer to help them. Or if you see someone that looks confused. Try to help them. All within reason of course. I want you to be safe and not talk to people that look they could hurt you. Or even strike up a polite conversation with someone that doesn't look like they are having a good day. Sometimes it's the little things that happen in your day that could turn the whole day around. Just be yourself. :)"

2. Deborah
(Sun/Beach ritual)DONE
"Here is a ritual I have that I will share with you as it is has brought me much peace and perspective over time.
I walk or ride to the beach (you can drive) with my camera and/or my journal to watch the sun go down. As I watch I look intently at everything I see, I breathe in the salty air and smile to myself. I see the massive power and mystery of the ocean and realize how big and expansive the world is. I see the beauty of the sand, the sky, the birds, the dolphins, the happy people also appreciating the paradise we live in.

In these moments, I cannot help but to think of what I am grateful for. My feelings of gratitude rise up organically through my heart. Sometimes I silently thank god and the universe, sometimes I write or try to capture an image with my camera. I say thank you to the sun for another day as I kiss it goodbye for the night. I always come away full and centered and happy."

3. Megan
(Hike to a new spot)
"Ok mine is going for a hike at a place you have never been. You can take in the new scenery, fresh air, and do something good for your body." :)

4. Kristine
(Act like a kid!)DONE
"I say that you start working on making me an aunt! Or go to a park and ride the swings. After I turned 30, I developed motion sickness and it's gotten increasingly worse. I definitely cannot ride swings anymore...Do it now while it's still fun and it will remind you of being a child."

5. Portia
(Renewal yoga class) DONE
"Ohhhhh I already have ours!!!! I would like to aid in furthering your yoga practice and share a piece of my yoga practice with you. Its Sunday night restorative yoga at Yoga Blend in Burbank. It’s a series of healing and de-stressing poses to start your week off just right so what better way to start your new year and next stage of life off. I would also love to do some of the workshops with you but I am not fit enough."

Restorative - For anyone wanting to de-stress and renew their entire being, this soothing class is a great choice. Restorative yoga works with the nervous system and the endocrine system to bring the body into a state of balance and relaxation. Props are used to further support the body, realign the spine and deepen this relaxed state. http://www.yogablend.com/index_files/Schedule_Pricing.htm

6. Susanna
(Inspire a child or an elderly person) DONE
“My task for you is related to when we volunteered at the YMCA: Intrigue either one very young child or one very old person with an inspiring statement, make it meaningful so he/she will ponder and it will elicit a response. Both a young child and an older adult value the exchange of language. A young child uses creativity, wonder, and silliness in their words, beginning to elaborate so much whereas an elderly person becomes isolated, lonely, and may not have someone to converse with. Your goal is to take one of the above and say something to he/she that will leave a lasting impression. Poetic, profound if you will. It could be an elderly person you pass on the street or a child you know who wonders about something. Inform teach them something from the one statement. What will you say and to whom?”

7. Indhushree
(Love letter to myself)DONE
"Start if off by writing it to the name of my essence/soul/deepest self. Write it from the place where I am now. Write about how much I have achieved already and the hopes and dreams for my future. Be gentle, tender, and appreciative of myself. Write about how I have missed the times when I was not with myself."

8. Kolleen
(Spread the love) DONE
I have one, t. Take one day and a stack of post its. Write 'you are beautiful' on each one. Put them everywhere, on bus stops, in library books, on mirrors in restrooms, on diner tables. Think that you may change someones outlook just by a simple note from a stranger.

9. Mom
(Make someone else’s b-day special) DONE
"I have been thinking about this for a couple of days.....and think perhaps, since you have always been good at "seeing" who people really are, you might pick someone else with a birthday during this time and send them a real (not e-mail) card with a hand written note telling them why they are special and wished a happy birthday; not a generic happy birthday sentiment but a real "you-are-special-because" verse just for them. Just as I am telling you that you are special because you see the core of people and the value inside of them. I wish you thirty times thirty a happy birthday and successful year. You have added so much to my life and to the way I see the world.
I love you so much,"

10. Ginger
(Lake Shrine) DONE
Ginger has spoken about Lake Shrine with me for as long as I've known her, which is what? 3 years now She's always spoken how it grounds her and is so peaceful. She's offered to bring me there. Btw, some of Ghandi's ashes are actually buried there!

11. Denise
(Contact someone from my past)
"I would like for you to remember someone from your past that has either influenced or encouraged you in some way. You could call or write to them and thank them for what they added to your life."

12. Erin
(Glam Day) DONE
"For your 30th Birthday experiment I would like you to take a day and glam yourself up!! You don’t have to spend any money. Sculpt your hair into a glamorous do and put on some hot makeup! Then go to an ultra-fabulous store and try on something expensive that is way out of this world and that you could never actually buy and take a picture. Most of all just have fun! I can’t wait to see the picture and hope you enjoy yourself! Love you always!!" Erin

13. Shannon
(Reflection) DONE
“Go by yourself someplace that has a lot of meaning to you, whether it be your old school campus, a coffee shop, a certain hiking trail, or even your living room lol. Take a journal with you. First write down 30 people who you are glad are in your life and how they have affected who you are now as a person, and maybe also how you feel you have affected their lives. Then list 30 things you are grateful for, 30 things you feel you have accomplished, and 30 that you still want to accomplish. Then share this with those 30 people that you listed that have made an impact in your life. I just think this would be a nice way to reflect on who you are and where you are in life. :) “

14. Monica
"Ride the biggest roller coaster you can find!" Big hugs, Monica DONE
-Liked Monica's description of her meaning of this ritual. Rollercoast as being symbolic of how I respond to life's challenges. To I grip on tight, do I go with flow and throw my arms up over my head in abandon? P.S. This is one that Brian actually said he would join me on.

15. Lisa F.
(Last day on Earth) DONE
"I think you should do something you've always been meaning to do but haven't had time...like write to an old friend that you wished you had kept in touch with. And if possible, get together and have a cup of coffee w/that person...it will probably bring back memories you forgot you had! Will you send a list to everyone when 30 days are up & tell us everything you did...maybe keep a journal of the experience or a blog that everyone can check during the 30 days...sounds fun, good luck, you can do it! :) If you can't think of anyone to contact, you can write letters to the people closest to you...tell them everything you would want to say if you knew this was your last day on Earth...that could get really emotional!"

Write letters to the people closest to you…tell them everything you would want to say if you knew that this was your last day on Earth…that could get really emotional. (Lisa, I really love this part!)

16. Michelle
(Get to know Cali better) DONE
"I think for one of your days, you should take a day trip to somewhere in CA that you haven't yet been to. I was so surprised to hear that you haven't been around the state that you now call home! You might be surprised on how far you can go round trip in a day. For instance, you can hit up the temecula wineries, you can go shopping at the cabazon outlets, see the cabazon dinosaurs, look at otters in monterey, or do any number of wonderful things in my hometown of San Diego! For this year, I think you should go to the San Diego Zoo. I can hook you up with free guest passes (but you'll have to take me with you.) :)"

17. Jayme (Sister in law)
Romance is in the air DONE
"Hi Theresa, I think that is so neat for you to do this!!! My suggestion would be for you and Brian to take a sleeping bag and find a beach, watch the sunset and then cuddle all night and talk about all the things you love about each other and then in the morning wake early and watch the sun rise. I am glad you are my sister-in-law and I hope that someday we can get to know each other better."

Note:(Jayme love this idea but it might have to be tweaked...CA isn't the safest place to sleep overnight on the beach :) but love the premise. I think watching the sunrise together would be very symbolic as it brings on the new day. It is very meaningful in my process of embracing my future and I'm glad that Brian can be included in this although he might differ when we have to wake up before dawn. Perhaps we can find a near by beach or a hill to watch the sunrise together while we do like you said, talk about all the things we love about each other. Thanks!!

18. Tina
Griffith Park Observatory DONE

19. Tanya DONE
Cleansing and symbolic ritual to encompass the summary of all the rituals.
I was looking for a way to include my husband in this whole process as he has been and will be such a big important part of my life. Tanya suggested that he find something to give me that encompasses all of the things I have done thus far. It could be anything as long as when I look at it, it reminds me of all the lessons I learned and want to remember as I go into the next stage of my life. Tanya also offered to school me in the process of doing a cleanse including some light fasting and purity rituals so I am "rebirthed" in a way.

20. Helena
(Dance by another tune) DONE
Hey hun!I have been thinking and thinking… and I finally came up with something I think you will enjoy. Ok, for your birthday you should try something different. I know you love dance, so you should try out a class you have never done before. Either a different style or type of dance that you have never experienced and that will be a new exciting experience for you. I can’t wait to hear all about it! And I hope you have fun! (Thoughts: I want to try African Dance! It is so without inhibition. You have to put your whole soul and body into it. I've always wanted to really try it. I took a little class during this event called a Taste of Dance a year ago but don't think that really counts as it was only for like 15-20 minutes. The day was made up of lots of short classes of many dancing styles such as Asian fan dancing to Hawiian to salsa to Arican, etc. I can't wait to take a real class in it!)

21. Amy
(Fire Ritual) DONE
Amy introduced the idea of this ritual as one that she did on the winter solstice. She and a group of her friends burned artificats or slips of paper with writing on them that symbolized something that they had accomplished or something that they wanted to cleanse from their lives. Fire is very symbolic because it can either give new life or it can also destroy. Fertile ground is left in its path to grow something new. I am already thinking of what I am proud of and want to embrace and what I want to cleanse from my life as I step forward.

22. Kristen
(Sunset Hike at Paseo Miramar)
Hey Theresa! What an amazing an creative idea!! Thanks you for including me and giving me the opprotunity to give a task.....Well of course, I am sure that you could have guessed that I would send you on a hike.

So, I would like you to take a sunset hike at Paseo Miramar
(I will give you directions). But before embarking on your hike think of old patterns, problems, issues that you would like to release before moving into this new era of your life and at the top of the summit, really let them go. Watch the sunset and then as you return really focus or mediate on the vision that you have for this new period of your life. Enjoy! Namaste!

Note: I am adding to do a primal yell at the top to let it all go. Perhaps I will warn everyone. Don't want to scare anyone :)

23. Kate
(Create beauty) DONE

Happy birthday! haven't heard from you in ages.. sorry it took so long to reply, I only check hotmail sporadically now.

So, my first idea was was to watch some cheezy coming-of-age movie (didn't Janis try to watch 16 Candles 16 times on her birthday?) and then I started thinking of things that you could do 30 of (write down hopes, or accomplishments or something..) BUT my best idea was to make something absolutely beautiful, whether it's an origami flower or a plate of artful food or a painting or a piece of clothing.. Take the time to get every detail just right, whatever you choose to make.

24. Nicole
(What does my life look like?) DONE
I want you to create an image or symbol to represent your life, it can be created using anything you want, paint, collage, crayons, any combination. It should have four parts to it, 2 parts dedicated to the life you have already lived and 2 to the life ahead. The 2 parts for past should be divided between specifics to you and one for family and friends. The life ahead should be the same, one for you and one for family and friends. It can be really simple or complicated, abstract or literal. For example maybe certain colors remind you of feeling a certain way or a flower makes you think of a happy moment with friends, etc. Ok, have fun creating!

25. Andrea
(My Life Story) DONE sort of :) taking me a bit of time to complete
Hey Tess!! I tried to think of something.... I was thinking that your have gone and experienced so much through your whole life! Remember when you and I used to hang out and tell stories all day... I think you should reflect on your awesome experiences and write a little story on how you have grown through your life... the revelations you have come across and challenges you have smothered!! You are strong and persevering! You should show your creative side and write a little story on the landmarks in your life... how they made you feel, etc!!!

26. Holly
(Mosaic) DONE
I have been thinking long and hard about this and finally (with some help from my sister) came up with an idea for you.
As you may or may not know, my favorite artistic medium is mosaic. I find it to be so colorful, expressive, and completely love the tactile experience. Furthermore, it’s a way of setting a memory to stone (tiles at least, ;-). For your birthday celebration I would like to take you to a mosaic class so you can create your own memory commemorating this transition. I will send you a class schedule shortly so we can get something on the calendar.
Thank you so much for including me in this. What a special, unique and wonderful way to celebrate this transition!

27. Janis
(Trip to the mystic redwood forest) Coming up! 15-18th! DONE!
For my b-day Janis and I hoping to go to the redwoods where she has been 3 times and I have never been. I feel a real connection to trees. They always have a way of restoring me. We are hoping to take this mystical journey together maybe the weekend of the 16-17th.

28. Jessica
(Letters for inspiration for the future) DONE
I see that another friend has posted a letter writing activity. I want to suggest you write yourself three letters- one to be opened on your 31st b-day, one on your 35th, and one on your 40th. You can combine ideas from your other friend. What do you want to tell your future self? Congratulate her on another birthday, celebrate her, and share your hopes and dreams. Seal the letters and place them in a special spot to be opened on the aforementioned days.

29. Jessica
(Dancing with myself, la la , dancing with myself - there will be lots of 80's tracks in this solo dance party :) ) DONE
My other activity- dance party with yourself. When you have the house to yourself, get a play list of fun dance songs ready to go and boogie down. Be totally free, playful, and silly. Dance your heart out! Happy soon to be birthday!

30. Lisa
(Be playful)DONE
hey theresa sorry giving this a little last minute been super busy lately, but wanted to make sure y ou got it. Okay here it goes it's kind of a silly one, but you can make it fun. When we had our radio show it I think we called it our diabolical plan and it was to rid the world of bad music! Well remember we went on a couple of secret missions:one at rob and fred's house where we went in(well guess broke in cause they didn"t know) and left a silly letter for them I think it was asking about some earth culture because we were pretending we were from another planet.the other one I can think of we got dressed up to disguise ourselves as secret agents and went to sean's house to deliver a message and a some silly gifts like candy and I think a little hello kitty toyThen we discussed these missions on our show. So I guess it would be funny if you thought of a secret mission to do to someone and then after even though there is no radio show you could post the experience on this site still playing the character that you were when you did it or you could even make a video of it. Not sure if this is exactly what you are looking for but I thought this was a pretty good idea since when you brought this up it was the first thing I thought of because I remember it was such a funny time and even yes very childish but we definately got kicks out of it

31. Amber
(Love my body) DONE
Do as many of these are you are comfortable with. It helps if you make a playlist of songs that make you feel sexy and play it while doing some of these. When you take off your clothes to take a shower peal them off in a sexy manner, strip seductively just for you. When you take a shower really send positive energy to everybody part that you love to show off. Also in the shower send love to the parts of your body you don't like to show off. When you put on your clothes for the day put them on like you are getting ready for a fancy party. Wear glitter somewhere on your body have glossy lips. With or with out color underneath. Wear heels if that is feasible. When you are done for the night strip seductively again before bed.

32. Lee Lee - Give Forgiveness DONE
1. Give Forgiveness to someone you make not want to, think they deserve it, or someone who isn't even sorry. (This has to be a very difficult one that you may have been conflicted with for awhile)

Random acts of kindness
2. This may take longer than a day..hahahaha... 30 small random acts of kindness. (especially going out of your way to do something for someone when you really don't feel like it) (maybe one small act could be done for 30 days)

Misc Rituals that I created and might do:

Transform Love
This is one ritual I am thinking of doing. My mother gave me a diamond pendant that my father once gave to her. I was thinking of selling it. I sold two other gold pendants that I've had and not worn for awhile. Don't remember where they came from actually but something would not let me sell this one. Even though my parents' love for each other eventually changed,there once was love...I feel like I can't just throw that away. Somehow along with hurt, loss, love was also captured in that diamond stone. I want to find a way to bind the love that is in that stone with the love I feel for my family and my husband. The pendant is a circle of gold and inside that circle is this shining glowing diamond. How can I change the meaning of this necklace so that when the pendant is against my heart all I feel is the love?

Lotus tattoo
Possibly considering getting an opening lotus tattoo on the middle of my back to symbolize awakening, change, renewal. Possibly with a symbol of the heart chakra in the middle or somewhere in it as a therapist I want to remember to keep my heart always open. (I have another blog entry on this blog that I keep updating regarding my adventures of planning to get a tattoo)

A Birthday Experiment!!

These last couple of years have been such a struggle but I have grown by so many lengths but it has been such a whirl that I haven't had the chance to actually process any of it. Of course my essence and true self hasn't changed all that much. If anything I have been working steadily and mostly unaware to vanish the barriers to connect to my true self. I have snapped the weights off my heart regarding any past regrets and feel like I'm grateful and compassionate of the old pain for it has resulted in who I am today. I haven't gotten here alone. Everything I have achieved has been because of the amazing people in my life. The support I have received from my family, friends, and most of all my husband has been soo vital in my survival and in my growth. It is amazing when two people can support each other on a path and I have been so lucky to have such a supportive husband who has encouraged me to reach for the stars.
So now I have completed my masters in psychology and I am about to turn 30 years old. I felt this energy building in me to really demonstrate the changes I have been feeling in my life, reflect on my past that has gotten me here to this wonderful place, and prepare for the future. I have created a birthday experiment, which I like to call it, to give me the opportunity to process all the wonderful craziness that has occurred while including the amazing people that have been a part of it. I've asked 30 of the women in my life that have had some of the biggest impact in my life to give me ideas for rituals/blessings/ceremonies/activities to do 30 days up to my 30th birthday. In many cultures there are ceremonies or rights of passage when someone takes that next step in there life. I am grateful that I have amazing women in my life that are supporting my journey to the next step of womanhood. In this blog I would like to record as best as possible my process including all the feelings and thoughts that all these experiences will evoke. I am so grateful for all those that will follow on these journey with me..........................