Thursday, May 14, 2009
Ritual #20 Love Letter to Myself
So its my 20th day out of 30 for my b-day rituals. Can't believe I've gotten so far with these. It is very difficult at times to make the intention to set aside time to do one a day but it has also been very rewarding.
Today's ritual was offered by my friend Indushre who is training to be a psychologist. I think I am very lucky to have so many friends that are also in the healing profession. I always have someone to listen and they have come up with great ideas.
Indushre's idea was to write a love letter to myself. To speak to my self and offer admiration and love for everything I am/have accomplished/and will accomplish. I think that this was very fitting as I am very hard at myself often and do not give myself enough compassion. I feel that everyone else in the world is deserving of compassion but I am the last person that I feel is deserving. I strive to be perfect at all times. Its exhausting honestly. One of my friends once said that the parts of ourselves that we feel are the weakest deserve the most love/compassion. Though perhaps a simple statment it was really mind blowing for me when I heard it. I thought really? I can accept those parts/integrate them into myself vs continuing to try to eradicate them? It was really such a different and freeing experience to shift my perspective in that way. So with that in mind I wrote my love letter to myself.
To the heart of my heart,
You are dear to me my sweet little one. I want you to know that I care about you, more than you might know. I know that I can be very hard on you sometimes and expect too much. I don't always take the time to celebrate your accomplishments like I should. I guess it is because I do expect great things because you have so much to give. I just want everyone else to know that you have a wonderful sweet essence/soul. I value your ability to tune in on people and help when they may need it most. You are a very caring and loving person. I don't ever want you to second guess your worth. You don't need to defend your value as a person, work endlessly to pitch a case that you are a good person. You are and you will do great things. Great things are not always momumentous. It can just be the impact you have on one person. You are a beautiful person and sould. I think you are lovely and have a glow about you that others see. I cherish you and you alone. You are my everything and I will be with you forever and ever.
- This was really powerful. I felt like I was talking to my inner child in a way. Like I was holding her hand and looking into her eyes. I signed it Tessa as that was the first name I called myself. Guess I couldn't sound out my whole name. I still feel so happy and at ease when my old friends and family call me Tess or Tessa.
I was inside where all the old hurts are and where I am the most sensitive. It felt really emotional for me to give myself validation. I haven't always been given it by others and very rarely to myself. Instead of shouting at myself to do better I cradled and soothed myself. Loving even the broken parts of myself. It felt odd too in a way. To compliment myself makes me feel like I think too much of myself. Like I am egocentric. I feel in a way that it is impossible to be completely free of ego. We only know our own mind and our own perspective of the world truly. We can continously work to undrstand other people's perspectives but it will always be colored by our own formed opinions and from our personal experiences.
This was such a beautiful exercise and I think that I would like to use it someday in my work with clients. Its a great way to get in touch with parts of yourself that need extra love and validation.